Look at Me. I Have It All Together! - Perfection's Failings

Standing in the bathroom mirror for forty-five minutes, putting each hair into place, I finally become satisfied with the feeling of perfection. Then it dawns on me… I AM BALD. Why did I just lose that time in my life trying to achieve perfection, when it is non-existent?

Reality check: I am a flawed individual in a fallen world. How do I get beyond my brokenness to present myself as healed in this world of expectation? What can I do to show you all that I have my life together finally? Most importantly, what steps can I take to begin to accept myself, as God created me?

Hope is found in Psalm 147:3, which speaks of the Lord healing the brokenhearted and binding up their wounds. Like the prodigal son (Luke 15: 11–32), I have realized that no matter how far I had strayed, forgiveness and love awaited me. My brokenness, despite the overwhelming feelings it presents, parallels the woman in Mark 5:34. All I must do is reach out and touch Jesus, knowing that faith will make me well. I will be able to go in peace, being healed of my affliction. Through prayer and community, I have begun to embrace 2 Corinthians 12:9, where Paul is talking about finding strength in weakness. Each step forward is a testament to His grace, transforming my brokenness into a testimony of resilience and healing. My struggles continue to reveal to me that I am not alone but held in divine love.

As I begin to share my testimony to the world, I am realizing my transformation is both a personal and a communal process. Through the refining stage of my journey, I am realizing the potential influence my recovery may have on others to seek healing and transformation. By opening myself to the vulnerability of public recovery, I can hope to touch the lives of others who may struggle with accepting life as it is. When we become wrapped up in the modern social disease of disillusionment, we create a false reality. I hope to both have and give the courage to others to allow Christ to open them up to discernment in their walk.

Some parts of who I am are not going to change. How do I learn what the parts of me are that God intentionally built into me? What do I let go of? Understanding flaws and gifts involves self-reflection, prayer, and seeking guidance from the scripture. Celebrate Recovery uses a four-part guide, built on a 12-step Program that has led me to deeper understanding in the Step Study.

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting”. Psalm 139: 23–24 reveals the importance of spending time in prayer, asking God to reveal our flaws and our gifts. Celebrate Recovery’s Step 4 inspires us to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. This daunting task can open our eyes to much of our flawed nature but leads towards pinning our failures to the foot of the cross.

As we accept past mistakes, making amends wherever possible, we begin finding grace abounding. We begin to look at more of the positive side of who we are in our new life. Looking for our gifts and how we can use our life and experiences to bring goodness to the world becomes our focus. Reflecting on what we are passionate about and what brings us joy can help us to identify our gifts. Talking to trusted friends, family, or mentors might help provide insights into our strengths and weaknesses.

As these pieces begin to come together, knowing and accepting who we are becomes easier as well. We stop fixating on what is beyond our control and can live much more freely. What was once our shame is now a tool God can use to help others find peace. The words from 2 Corinthians 12:9 become real, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”.

Knowing these things allows me to celebrate the unique way that God has made me. Both flaws and gifts. I hope you too, begin to gain a clearer picture of both areas in your life that may need improvement and those meant for development. Trusting in God’s guidance is the key to this journey.